


A Day of Love and Loneliness

by blvejay



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Birthday Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blvejay/pseuds/blvejay
Summary: Valentine's day was possibly the worst holiday of the year. Not just because Kieran was alone, but because it also happened to land on his birthday. A double hit. Birthday and the holiday of love. Never was there another day of the year that Kieran was reminded of just how alone he truly was.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White
Comments: 14
Kudos: 80





	A Day of Love and Loneliness

Valentine's day was possibly the worst holiday of the year. Not just because Kieran was alone, but because it also happened to land on his birthday. A double hit. Birthday and the holiday of love. Never was there another day of the year that Kieran was reminded of just how alone he truly was.

He could forget about his birthday if it didn’t land on a holiday. If it wasn’t talked about beyond recognition and all the millions of ways others would spend it. There was not a single shop he could walk into that wasn’t filled with bouquets and chocolates and cards. Kieran contemplated asking Lauren on a double date with Kym and Will. They weren’t dating, but everyone in the precinct could see the way the Lieutenant and Sergeant looked at each other. 

He could say it strengthened their alibi, made them seem like a real couple, but if Kieran was being entirely honest, he didn’t want her friends to join them. He wanted to spend the day with her and her alone. He contemplated asking her to lunch. Nothing else, simply lunch. Lunch wasn’t suggestive of anything, just a meal right? 

_ On Valentine's Day,  _ his brain reminded him. Kieran never asked.

Lauren had become far more comfortable around him, but Kieran had no desire to push her. He didn’t deserve her company, not yet. He had to earn that back, and he would not ask for her presence until he had. 

Kieran shrugged his coat on, headed for the closest grocery store. Valentines Day meant less people at the store and more at their celebrations, and those there were there for flowers and chocolates, not milk and eggs. If he could knock something off his to-do list, that was all he could ask for. Anything to keep his mind off how empty his apartment felt. Twenty-five. He was twenty-five years old today. He didn’t even think he’d make it to seventeen. Sometimes he still wished he hadn’t. 

But this had been his best year yet. Meeting Lauren, finally finding the courage to fight for his freedom. They were so close, so very close to freedom. Kieran could not deny the hope blooming in his chest. Kieran nearly forgot what it felt like. Hope.

He shouldered the door to the store open, a bell pinging at the top as he entered. He moved toward the baskets at the door, ignoring the bustle of people picking through the remainder of the cards and chocolates and the explosion of pink and red hearts. 

“WIll that be it?” an employee asked from the florist counter. 

“Yes, that’s all.”

Kieran froze up, he knew that voice. Lauren. Kieran darted around the corner. That was  _ definitely _ Lauren. He peered around the aisle, staying hidden from sight. She stood at the counter, talking with an employee and Kieran nearly turned tail and ran back out the door. She hadn’t noticed him, he could still bolt, but he grounded himself, and instead walked toward her. Kieran was a strong believer in fate. He couldn’t walk through the door and see the woman he’d been thinking about all day and not talk to her. 

Perhaps she would yell at him, send him away, and Kieran could handle that, but he could not handle not talking to her for another second. 

Kieran slid up to the counter with as much courage as he could muster as the employee disappeared to the back, clearing his throat. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Lauren turned, face contorted in confusion, and to Kieran’s dismay, she actually  _ smiled  _ upon seeing him. 

Kieran couldn’t help but smile back, but his heart fell when he saw the bouquet in her hands. He laughed it off, “Got a hot date?” 

Lauren glanced down, and chuckled, scratching the back of her neck. “Not… exactly?”

Kieran hoped the relief didn’t show on his face. “For yourself, then?”

“If it was for myself it’d be daisies, I don’t like roses.” Kieran took a mental note. “It’s for my parents.”

  
Kieran raised a brow, prompting her to continue. “Every year on Valentine's day, my father used to get my mother one red rose for every year they’d been married, and one white rose for every year since they’d had me.”

Kieran glanced down to the sizable bouquet. “That’s a lot of flowers.”

Lauren nodded with a chuckle. “Uncle Tristan and I used to do it every year, but he has a date so I kind of took over it this year.”

Kieran nodded, unsure of what to say. He found himself briefly wishing he had a tradition like that to honor his family too.

Lauren let out a nervous chuckle. “Is that… morbid?”

“N--No! It’s a good tradition.” He clamped his mouth shut before he could say something wrong. 

Lauren was silent for a moment, and Kieran contemplated excusing himself before she spoke again. “Would you like to come with me?”

Kieran’s heart leapt into his throat. “I wouldn’t want to intrude—”

“I usually do it with Tristan. I…” she paused, glancing at the bouquet, “I don’t want to do it alone.”

  
Kieran nodded hard, and then he was offering his arm. “I’d love to. Lead the way.”

Lauren smiled, and quickly took his arm. Kieran’s stomach filled with butterflies the moment she set her hands on him, but he tried his best not to show it. They chatted as they walked, out of the store and down the street together. It was a fine day for February, and Kieran was beyond thrilled to be spending it with Lauren and away from the office. It was a short journey to the cemetery, one spent almost entirely in silence, but Kieran enjoyed it anyway. She wanted him there. That was more of a birthday wish than Kieran had ever allowed himself to dream of. 

The cemetery was entirely empty when they arrived, and Lauren led Kieran toward the back of the lot. Kieran faltered when he saw the extravagant tombs and headstones. Even the place they were buried felt rich. Lauren paused outside of a lot marked  _ ‘Sinclairs’  _ with a drabble of Latin beneath it. She turned toward him. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

Kieran shook his head. “I do want to.”

Lauren nodded, and watched him for a moment before pushing the gate to their lot open and taking his arm. She led him forward into the rows of tombs. Kieran eyed everything he could without looking too far either way. He didn’t want her to see how much it baffled him.

Lauren stopped before a large tomb, made of white marble, extravagant pillars holding it up with stairs leading up to the door that looked as though it easily weighed hundreds of pounds. She walked forward, dropping his arm and stopping before the door before she set down the bouquet before the door. She simply stood there, and Kieran felt as though he weren’t allowed to intrude. But she said she didn’t want to be alone, and if Lauren wanted him to leave she would tell him. 

  
Kieran crept forward up the stairs, coming to stand beside her in front of the door. The names were marked on the wall by the door. “Alexander Sinclair” and “Rachel Sinclair” with dates beside them. Kieran couldn’t help but reach forward and run his finger across the dates. They were so young.

On the other side stood a single name that overwhelmed Kieran with dread. Lauren Sinclair. The final date was not yet engraved. 

Lauren followed his gaze. She was stiff, and Kieran contemplated giving her his jacket, but she already had one. Kieran just wanted her to know he noticed. It was never easy— remembering what you’d lost. 

Lauren sniffed, beginning to ramble, hardly loud enough she could hear. It was something she always did when she was upset, explaining anything she possibly could to distract her.

“Of course, if I’m married my name will change. And if he’s rich then I’ll be buried on their lot and if he’s not then he’ll be buried here with me, and if we have children then that’s a whole different story but I don’t know if I even want to  _ get  _ married—”

Kieran reached over and grabbed her hand.

Lauren went silent, breathing hard. 

“Lauren.”

She glanced up to him, tears in her eyes, her lip quivering, and Kieran’s heart nearly snapped. Kieran pulled her close, and before he knew what he was doing, his arms were around her. Lauren let out a strangled noise, but she didn’t push him away. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and simply went silent. 

Kieran held her tightly, as relaxed as he could muster. He knew that familiar ache. No matter how long it had been, the pain was still there in the back of their minds. “It’s been a decade,” she whispered, “a decade and I still can’t get over it.”

He pulled back, holding her face carefully in his hands so he could look at her properly. “You don’t—” he whispered, “get over it, you never do. It gets easier, but you lost someone. That doesn’t just go away.”   
  
Lauren watched him carefully, blinking away her tears and Kieran reached forward, smoothing them with his thumb. They sat in silence for a long while.    
  
“I think they would have liked you.”

Kieran’s heart leapt in his chest, and he swallowed hard. “I think I would have liked them too.”   
  
“I’m sorry,” Lauren finally whispered after a long while. “I’m sure this wasn’t how you planned spending Valentine's Day.”

Kieran scoffed, pulling her back into a hug and setting his chin on top of her head. “I just wanted to spend it with you.”

Lauren stiffened, and Kieran’s eyes widened punctually. He most  _ definitely  _ had not planned on telling her that. Lauren pulled back lightly, and Kieran felt his heart sink. And then she was smiling up at him, grabbing his hand softly. “Then let's go do something.”

Panic closed Kieran’s throat up, and he could do little more than watch her for a while before he finally spoke, glancing at the tomb. “If you’re not done—”

  
Lauren laughed. “My mom would be banging on the door telling me to get out of here and go with the handsome man. And I…”

Kieran felt as though he may simply explode. Lauren cleared her throat. “And it strengthens our alibis, too.”

Kieran’s heart fluttered in his chest. Always the punctual Lauren, but if she truly wanted to spend the day with him Kieran certainly wasn’t going to refuse. He nodded, hoping the excitement didn’t show in his face.

“Would you like to get dinner with me?” Lauren asked, and Kieran turned on his charm, terrified she could see right through him. 

He waggled his eyebrows at her. “Dinner together on Valentines Day? How scandalous, Officer.”

Lauren’s face deadpanned. “Forget I asked.”

Kieran grabbed her hand panickedly.“No! No, I would love to do dinner.”

Lauren laughed and squeezed his hand. “Pick me up in two hours?”

  
Kieran nodded hastily, and then Lauren had turned and was moving down the steps. Kieran faltered, turning back and running his hand over the door. “You did great with her. Really. She couldn’t be more perfect.”

“You gonna walk me out or what?” Lauren called from the gate. 

  
Kieran whirled. “You just can't get enough of me, can you, Officer?” he teased, and then he was trotting down the steps after her. 

Lauren rolled her eyes as she took his arm. “Careful Subordinate, I will cancel dinner.”

  
Kieran merely laughed

  
  


Two hours. That was what they had agreed upon. Early enough to avoid the rush, late enough to still be considered dinner. That left Kieran plenty of time to join the stragglers in attempting to find last minute gifts. He went to shop after shop, sure he had run the length of Ardhalis in attempts to find exactly what he was looking for. Shop after shop, every single damned one was out.    
  


The second Kieran entered the corner store, the florist at the end of the shop yelled: “We’re out of roses!”

Kieran sighed, turning for the counter at the end of the shop. “What about daisies?”

  
The man pulled a face. “Daisies?” he challenged, “on Valentine’s day?”

He nodded. “Daisies.”

The man eyed Kieran as if it were the most bizarre request in the world. “... Sure. We can do daisies.”

  
Kieran nearly burst from relief. All it took was travelling all across town and— Kieran checked his watch. An entire  _ hour  _ of his time. “Perfect. The best bouquet you can.”

The man regarded Kieran with raised brow before disappearing in the back.

  
  


Kieran had never rushed home faster in his life, bouquet in hand. Lauren would forgive him if he were late, but Kieran would die before he let a minute slip away without her. He didn’t know he even  _ could  _ shower that fast, and he tried on possibly a million different outfits before he settled on one— maroon button-up under his black suit, sticking for no tie and mussed hair. It was casual enough, but Kieran still panicked. They hadn’t exactly decided on a dress code. That was entirely unlike Lune, he mused, their outfits always coordinated. Kieran settled for black and red, he trusted his gut, like they had some sort of telepathic ability when it came to perfect outfits. 

Kieran had hardly gotten a moment before he was back out the door, bouquet in hand. He knew the way to the Sinclair’s manor well, and had to walk slower toward the end. He wanted to be right on time, Lauren could not know just how excited he truly was. Kieran arrived right on time, raising the door knocker with a steady breath before letting it fall.    
  
There was a moment of silence, and only the sound of Kieran’s heart beating before the door was thrown open and Kieran was met with a small old lady in a maids uniform. She gasped upon seeing him and Kieran nearly jumped. “He’s here!” she called upstairs before turning and grabbing him by the face. “Now aren’t you just the most handsome little devil!”

Kieran’s eyes widened, and he knew his cheeks had gone red. He would normally flirt back to such behavior. He couldn’t exactly flirt with an old woman. 

Kieran opened his mouth to reply when Lauren's voice came from upstairs. “ _ Do _ try not to scare him off Helda, he’s only just arrived.”

Simply hearing her voice made his heart lurch. He hated himself for it. 

  
She said something else Kieran couldn’t quite hear, and then a moment later, she was making her way down the stairs and Kieran thought he might die. He could hear his own breathing hitch. The red dress hugged her figure perfectly, a slit up the side. The corset she wore over it was black. Kieran nearly laughed. Maybe they really  _ did  _ have some telepathic ability. 

“What?” Lauren asked when she reached the bottom of the stairs, and Kieran could hear the maids squealing around the corner. Kieran couldn’t help but smile. It felt like a line from those cheesy romance novels, the heroine walking down the stairs, the image of perfection while he swooned. 

Her eyes landed on the bouquet, and her face lit up. Kieran cleared his throat, raising the bouquet and presenting it to her with an embellished flourish. “Daisies for you, mon amour.”

Lauren laughed as she plucked them from his hand, tucking her hair behind her ear. “They’re beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you.” Kieran nearly cringed at the line. He had not meant to say it out loud but he could not hold his tongue, like some lovestruck dork had possessed him. But Lauren was actually smiling at the awful line, and that was all Kieran had hoped for. 

Lauren passed the bouquet off to one of the squealing maids, ordering them to be placed in her room. Kieran opened his mouth to make a joke about something of his being in her room before Lauren took his arm and he promptly closed it. “You ready?’

  
“Beyond.”

And they were out the door.    
  
The trip to the restaurant was easy. Lauren wore high heels, and Kieran almost hoped her feet would be sore by the end of the night so Kieran could carry her home. Lauren handled the reservations, and Kieran wondered if it wasn’t because she thought he’d take her to some washed-up bar. 

The moment they arrived Kieran knew this place was far too fancy for the likes of him. It looked like something straight out of a period piece Kieran had read. He half expected a handful of knights and Lords and Ladies in extravagant ball gowns to burst through the door at any minute. Lauren nudged him as they were seated, Kieran nearly tripping over himself in a haste to get her chair. “Relax,” she said, and Kieran rolled his eyes. “I am completely relaxed.”

Kieran didn’t know what half of the items on the menu even were let alone how to pronounce them. Lauren must have sensed his confusion and pointed to a couple items on the menu and explained them. The only thing he actually recognized was the alcohol. He ordered them the finest bottle of wine he could possibly afford. Kieran settled for sashimi. It was the only thing he could pronounce.

They settled into quiet conversation after they’d ordered, Kieran feeling as though he was being thoroughly judged. He didn’t mind, so long as he was with Lauren. Nearly fifteen minutes after they’d ordered, Lauren slid a small box to him across the table.

Kieran’s brow furrowed, eyeing her before picking it up. “What’s this?” Something Lune related for certain. He just didn’t think she would bust it out in a fancy restaurant, whatever it was.

“Did you really think I’d forgotten?”

Kieran looked up, brow furrowing, but she was simply smiling. “Happy Birthday, Subordinate.”

Kieran stared at it in awe. He didn’t care what it held, he could die happy with the box alone. 

“Go on,” Lauren urged, “Open it. Ive been planning this for literal weeks.”

Kieran untied the bow atop it carefully, propping the lid open. It was a bracelet. Leather tied in an elaborate not where a charm hung, made of dark metal. It was a crescent moon.

“That was the exact moon phase of the night we met."  


"The night you kicked me in the face?" He challenged.

"The night you held a katana to my throat, respectively. And the... metal‘s from the shuriken you threw at me at the Carmine Camelia.”

Kieran let out a laugh, rubbing his face as he stared down at the bracelet in disbelief. 

“I have a matching one,” she said softly, pulling the simple chain from under her neck, the crescent moon dangling from it. 

Kieran was positively giddy, glancing between the bracelet and her. “Really Officer, I did not think you were capable of such cheesy theatrics.”

  
Lauren rolled her eyes, a faint pink dusting her cheeks. “I have something matching with Kym and Will. I just… felt like we needed something.”

Kieran’s heart fluttered in his chest. To be compared with Kym and WIll— her two best friends, the ones he constantly found himself envious of. Kieran did not think he’d ever been so giddy in his life. He reached across the table and took her hand lightly in his. “I am never taking it off.”

Lauren blushed lightly, but she held his hand tightly in hers. “You better not. That was hard to get.”

Kieran thought of him running all around town to find daisies and nearly laughed. 

And for possibly the first time in his life, Kieran White did not feel alone. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Tristan was in fact on a date with Dakan
> 
> HEOFSHF HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIERAN!!! AND ALSO HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!
> 
> comments and kudos always appreciated.
> 
> My twitter is @/blvexjay if you'd like to follow and my ko-fi is https://ko-fi.com/blvejay if you'd like to support me on a person level :) thank you so much for reading!!


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